Monday, January 30, 2012


Milestone, turning point, special event, are all ways that I would describe the joy it is to watch Tatum as her journey on foot begins.
She still scoots when she wants to get somewhere quickly, but her new discovery that she can travel like everyone else brings a smile to her face.
She walks cautiously,
but smoothly.
When she's traveled a distance,
she knows that I'm not too far behind.
She pauses, turns ever so carefully to make sure I am still there...
and waves.
She has officially reached this milestone and it is so very, very, bittersweet.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

a couple of beers later...

When Kieran started Kindergarten, a couple of dad's sent out an email encouraging participation in the YMCA Adventure Guides. It's a program that gives dad's the opportunities to bond with their sons (as well as their daughters for the father/daughter program). 
"No way!", my husband said. "Not doing it."
It's not that he isn't in to hanging out with Kieran. He loves taking him to the driving range, tinkering in the garage, and most recently playing with the slot car race track that he built for Kieran for Christmas.
It was more the time commitment. The thought of taking something else on, along with our already busy schedules.
I told Erik that I wanted him to go to the first meeting, just to check it out. There was no pressure involved. If he didn't want to do it, then he didn't have to, plain and simple.
The dads all met at one of our local bars. Two hours and a couple of beers later, Erik came home. I said nothing. 
He informed me that he would do it. 
"Yes!", I secretly rejoiced.
I spend a great deal of time with the kids and though I know Erik would like to spend more, it can often be difficult for him. He's a hard worker. He wants to provide for us and he does. I can't imagine the weight that he must feel some days in order to keep our ship sailing. 
I know this is important and I cannot say that it isn't.
It's just that the seconds, the minutes, the hours, the days, the years...
they run away from us.
They don't look back.
I wanted Erik and Kieran to have this experience so that they could take hold of time and say, "We did this, we did this together". 
Their car, #10 with the lightning bolts, built the night before. It had been a stressful week at work for Erik and it was looking next to near impossible that they'd participate. They would miss the deadline for the design awards and even then, many of the dads would compliment my duo on their craft. 
As they put the finishing touches and tested it out, I could not have been more proud. Erik, as excited as a kid, and Kieran, well he's just a happy kid, excited about everything!
Off to the Pinewood Derby they went. Their car would come in second place a few times, but never placed for a trophy. Of course, we had to teach Kieran that it was okay he didn't win (he actually cried a little). 
Meanwhile, Little Miss Mischief was keeping herself entertained...

and the baby well,

she knows just how to get others to entertain her.
Just like that, the derby was over.
Kieran's tears quickly transformed into smiles after earning a ribbon, Erik talked about their design for next year (again, I quietly rejoice), 
and my boys were able to share this moment...
For this, I am truly grateful.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

14 months

My sweet Tatum,
You turned 14 months last week. I didn't even realize it and your daddy had to remind me that you weren't 13 months any longer!
I missed writing to you at 13 months. I think between you turning one, your accident, and the hustle and bustle of the holidays, I let that one get away. I took plenty of pictures though!
At 14 months,
you have taken your first steps and they were to Daddy.
You are still not yet a walker, and scoot on your bottom, but we're okay with that. Honestly, I think I'll miss those days when you don't scoot anymore as it will mean you are one step closer to true toddlerhood.
I love that you are my baby.
Your newest words include:
wow, no way, outside, mama, mmm, baby.
You are oh, so cute when you say them!
Your favorite food continues to be blueberries and you'd eat them every meal if I let you. You are a better eater than your brother and sister and I'm crossing my fingers it stays that way!
You love to play with baby dolls, which is super sweet to watch.
You are fierce in your own right, swiftly moving to where you want to go, batting things away when you don't want them, pinching and pulling at us, playfully (but a habit I am trying to break you of).
Your laugh is infectious, your cuddles and kisses melt my heart.
You are coming into your own...
and I cherish every waking moment that I get to be your mommy.

Monday, January 9, 2012


something one wishes to overcome,
fearful of what will come next, 
elated when one has risen to the occasion.
When I lose my patience, I have deep regret, only to know that tomorrow is a new day. Better yet, this next hour, this next minute, I can do better.
I do not need to be supermom, if there is such a thing? I tend to think not, though there are some out there that seem to come awfully close. We all have our own blemishes and idiosyncrasies, certainly some more than others. 
At my weakest moment, I remind myself again, that I do not need to be supermom.
I am challenged by her, yet I know that she was created as she should be.
I know that God has given me what I can handle with a pinch of my own medicine as she is so much like me.
At my weakest moment, when I feel that I cannot parent her the way that I would like, I need to remind myself that I am not only her mother, I am her teacher.
I am here to guide her on her path.
At almost four, she looks to me, models me, hangs on my every word.
Our mother and daughter bond will remain constant, but there will be that moment when she lets go, when she sets out on that path on her own. So, when it seems as though the challenges that I face with her are insurmountable, I know that it is only in this moment. I know that as long as the challenges exist, that 
I am needed.  
I know that at just shy of thirty-four, I still need my mother. No matter what the challenge with Anna, I will rise, we will rise, and ultimately, she will rise.
I know at the end of the day when she tells me that she loves me to the moon and back,
 when she tells me that I am the best mommy in the world,
that I am her supermom and that's all that I need to be.

Then, the challenges fade off into the distance.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

a better version of me

Finally home from our Christmas vacation, I am able to sit here in the quiet, for just a moment.
There are many pictures to edit, Christmas decorations to take down, and the morning will come far too soon. 
I don't typically write about myself, mostly about my sweet family and the fierce love that I have for them.
Yet, I feel compelled at the start of this New Year to take one little slice of time. I am here, after all. 
I'm also not one for New Year's resolutions, mostly because I never follow through.
There's so many things that I would love to change, so many for the better.
I'd love to:
go to bed earlier,
rise earlier,
be punctual.
I'd love to:
be more patient with my children,
spend more time with my husband,
go to church on Sunday's,
read more books.
I'd love to:
take better care of the one body I've been given
push myself harder in my career,
worry less.
I'd love to:
write more letters,
print more pictures both for my home and in books,
create actual DVDs of all the video footage that we have and actually watch it,
print my blog to books for the last two years.
I'd love to:
grow in my photography by leaps and bounds,
finish my 365 instagram and Project 52 (more on these later).
Yes, I do realize that these sound just like New Year's resolutions, 
perhaps they are. Yes, I truly do intend to follow through.
What I'm really seeking amongst all the change, is not to change who I am...
but to be
a better version
of me.
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