goodbye, halloween

Growing up, I loved Halloween.

Somewhere my mom has pictures of me as Madonna in Desperately Seeking Susan and as a self-invented blue conehead martian.

Can't quite put my finger on it, but it's not my favorite holiday as an adult. 

I can't remember the last time I dressed up, it's been a while. I really don't love all the candy, well, actually I do and that's the problem!

Erik wondered where the candy went. I seriously mowed it all down. Yuck.

I can't say I love the battles of a 7 year old boy wearing or not wearing his costume at the parade.

He feared that he would be made fun of and wiped off the awesome beard I drew, but at least Captain Jack Sparrow made his appearance. And, wouldn't you know, just like last year, he had a great time!

That said, I loved the heart of his expression...

the child in him that I hope remains forever.

I loved the excitement in her voice when she said, "Next house, Mommy, Next house!"

I loved the pitter patter of her little feet as they hit the pavement 

 with intense desire to keep up with her siblings.

I loved that even when her big sister has moments where she's not always nice,

 there's more moments like these where I ask to take their picture and their sisterly love radiates. 

It truly melts my heart.

I loved that this big sister made sure to include her tired baby brother as he had no choice but to ride from house to house wondering what was going on.

I loved his cute glow in the dark skeleton jammies.

No, I can't say that I'm sad to see Halloween go.

My very favorite holidays are ahead.

Gratitude, love and joy await us as Thanksgiving and Christmas draw near.

Time to pack it up,

and call it a day.

Still, I realize that there will come a time where trick-or-treating will come to a screeching halt. There won't be anymore elementary school parades (not until I'm a grandma anyway), or Halloween art projects. 

It may not be my favorite holiday, 

but I loved that Erik and I got to spend it with them.

I loved sharing in their playfulness, silliness, and fun. I can only imagine that that is what it was like for my mom watching me paint my face blue, strap on rainbow suspenders and put on some boxer shorts in my conehead glory. 

No, this holiday is not at the top of my list, but making memories with my family, now that's number one.

Goodbye, Halloween,

see you next year!

bottled joy

I know that Christmas is not about the presents. 

I think that I do a fairly good job at teaching my children the same...

that Christmas is about Christ, 

that true gifts are those of love,

both on the giving and receiving end.

When I asked Kieran to draw a card for his teacher for Christmas, I fully expected to see a tree with ornaments, presents abound and Santa on his sleigh.

Rushing out the door for school as usual, I was stopped in my tracks and was filled with pride that Kieran had not chosen to draw any of the sort.

There, on the white computer paper he had written: "Dear Mrs. B, I hope you have a happy break".

On the inside in his very best attempt (art is not his favorite activity, but this was the best of his best),

a manger scene.

I'm not sure why it is, but there are times when I've felt guilty in a way, by extending Christmas in giving it a dual meaning...meaning Jesus and Santa Claus.

Am I confusing them?

Am I diluting the true reason by taking away from Jesus and giving in to Santa?

To some, maybe.

And then I think, "Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus"!

I find delight in his reaction 

to receiving ski poles.

Those are the poles that will be with him as he flies down the mountain alongside his daddy and his papa.

I find excitement in hers

as this is the bike

that she will learn to ride alongside her brother and daddy (I don't have one ;)).

I find myself filled with great anticipation

that she will continue to develop her love and appreciation for music for it has been a large part of my life thanks to my mom and dad.

It's the time that we spend with family

whether it's your husband cooking with his father (who never cooks and joined in alongside his son to learn something new),

or your mother-in-law

having a "conversation" with her grandbaby,

that matters.

It's the photo with your phone that didn't come out so great

but is a cherished memory because it's the only picture you have of yourself with your mom and dad and (almost) all of your kids since the baby went to bed to say, "I was here".

It's the funny times that you want to remember, 

like when your two year old is obsessed with her new puffer jacket and her big sister's bike and helmet

that she just can't

get enough.

It's the tradition of eating apple pancakes,

because it's that fattening that you only eat it once a year.

It's the thrill of the light strip that Daddy mounted under the bed,

that prompted her to model some of her favorite colors and makes you smile.

My guilt melts away as I believe in my heart that it's not about the material items themselves so much as it is the time that was spent and will be spent laughing, dancing, cooking, eating, skiing, biking, talking, just being...together.

And if it means a visit to him...

along with a manger scene for Him,

so be it. 

I will have bottled the joy that is Christmas to live it all year long.

reconnect

Last week, my mom, the kids and I (Erik had to work and my dad isn't much of a traveler), left the normalcy of every day life and went to the lake with friends. For the next five days, we would stay here:

our home away from home. Anna called it her "camp out", and though the place is older than dirt, we certainly weren't roughing it. It didn't matter though, because you couldn't beat the price. Before I arrived, I was convinced that the lake was man-made, its waters murky.

Though there are no pictures to prove that I actually went in the water (which I might add, I did), this spring-fed lake was anything but murky. It was beautiful.
Of course, I brought my iPhone and unfortunately, or fortunately, there was a horrible connection.
While Kieran played a few games, we were able to disconnect.
Imagine...

watching fish from the dock,
or playing in a secret hide-out

created by nature.
Just hanging out...

I wonder...

when was the last time you did that?

No electronic device could take the place of the simple joy of throwing a rock

over,

and over,

and over,

 and over,

and over again.

Now that, is entertainment!

This lake, is special to my mom as she used to swim here as a kid. It was even more nostalgic for her, since my Nonni went to be with God a few weeks ago.

The hands of time continue, but they can never take away the feelings of

exhilaration (that was felt as a kid or an adult),

of relaxation,

of happiness.
They can never take away the peace that you felt

or the memory of 

being the last kid in the lake because it was much better than anticipated.

If anything, we took the time.
We took the time to

to laugh,

to play,

appreciate nature,

to be silly.

We took the time

to smile,

to take it all in.

We took the time

to reconnect.

I can't wait to go back.

every day is mother's day

Every day is Mother's Day.

A new day dawns and I am

elated to have another day at being a mother, at doing things just a little better than 

the day before.

The sun sets and I am 

exhausted at the very thought that tomorrow will come and I 

will go through the routine all over again.

Still, it is welcomed.

Perfection isn't something that I'm striving for...

as they are perfectly imperfect.

They love me unconditionally...

as I do them.

Their daddy made sure that I knew how special I am with a card, roses, a plant, and a special dinner. 

It was all very sweet and delicious and of course, welcomed.

Yet, every day is mother's day as I wake to take on the joy that is 

Tatum,

the joy that is

Anna,

the joy that is

Kieran.

I cannot deny that I do not have my moments, the ones where I feel as though the ground is coming out from under me, where I feel as though there isn't enough air to breathe.

Of course, I learned to be a mother

from my mother, who is everything to me and more.

She's taught me everything I know about being a mother, and then some.

Nothing changes as I grow older, comfort is still found in my mother's arms.

I hope that my children will feel the same.

Every day is mother's day and I thank God that he has given me this gift.