happy birthday, dear liam

Dear Liam,

I sit here, a month into your beautiful life and I am speechless. Not because you are the fourth child, and certainly not because when your sister Tatum was born I had said that our family of five was complete. 

You see, I may have said that, but God had other plans for me, for your daddy, Kieran, Anna, and Tatum.

God had other plans for us...

He had plans...

for

you.

Nevermind many of the pictures are out of focus and rushed, the night of your birth happened so quickly, we were lucky to capture anything at all!

Your birth story begins on the morning of September 30. I began feeling contractions, but they were very far apart. Breathing through them throughout the day, I spoke to people on the phone (namely your Auntie who was scheduled for her c-section with your cousin Noah, just four days later), mopped the floor, and even flat ironed my hair...

I had to look semi-decent for your arrival!

Now the evening, I made every attempt to keep things as normal as possible for your big sister, Tatum. I didn't want her to get upset that I was leaving so I breathed through the contractions while I put everyone to bed.

Your grandma Linda arrived from a 4 hour drive away to take care of Kieran, Anna, and Tatum with just minutes to spare. 

I had planned on my friend Melissa taking pictures like she did for your big sister, Tatum, but I hadn't anticipated how quickly you were coming. 

  I called Dr. W and told her that my contractions were very close together, so close that in a minute long conversation, I had to breathe through 30 seconds of it.

Off we went, me, my mom (your nonna), and your daddy. 

I made it from the front door...

to the park bench just outside. 

I had to sit down because my contractions were fierce and I mean fierce.

I ran as quickly as I could to the car and grabbed your daddy's shoulder as he drove. I think I may have left an imprint because I was squeezing him so tight.

We arrived at the hospital at 9:10pm. I ran across the courtyard from the parking lot to the front doors of labor and delivery, and made it to my next park bench.

With three births before you, never did I have to sit, I had always walked in, but man oh man, you were coming! The security guard helped us to get a wheel chair and up we went.

I dressed in my gown, signed paper after hospital paper, all the while breathing...

intensely.

The nurses checked to see the progression of your soon-to-be arrival. I was dilated 9cm. 9cm? I may or may not have sworn, simply because I was shocked! I had only made it to 4cm with your siblings, never did I expect to hear the nurses tell me that I was near ready to bring you into this world. The nurses told me that I had come this far, they thought that I could make it through without an epidural if I wanted. Then, the panic, for just a moment, but still, panic. Tears flooded my eyes (and your nonna tells me your daddy's, too...let's just say he was sitting down at this point) and I asked for the epidural. The anesthesiologist came running and had told me that there was no guarantee that I would feel any relief as you were arriving very, very, soon. "That's okay", I said. "Just enough to take the edge off."

Dr. W arrived and let me know that it was a good thing that we came when we did! 

It was time to bring you into the world.

9:10 pm, we arrived.

9:59pm...

you did.

You arrived, my sweet Liam. 

Just as in my dreams when I held you and saw you, 

so did you in our living world look just as I had envisioned.

Dark hair, and oh, so handsome. 

My big boy, all 9 pounds 1 ounce of you (a shock as your siblings were 7 pounds, 8 at most)!

At long last...

safe...

in our arms.

Thankful to Dr. W, and our nurses,

 and for our pediatrician, Dr. N...

 and thankful that my mother was able to be with me to give me strength (she says I held her hand, but I don't remember that part)!

I will never forget the quiet,

 the calm,

that it was to hold you, gaze at you as you were so neatly swaddled in your bassinet. Soon, it would become a daily party in a little house as a family of six.

Kieran and Anna were thrilled to visit you...

 especially Kieran as he's been longing for your companionship for quite some time. He loves his sisters  to the moon and back, but I've never seen a boy quite as proud as him.

Tatum didn't come to the hospital because we were worried she'd become emotional when she had to leave me. I wasn't worried for even a minute at home...

as she has welcomed you from the moment you were carried in the door.

Your Nonno, usually nervous and sometimes with a look of discomfort when he holds tiny newborns, was as content as I'd ever seen him. "Now this is my kind of baby", he said as he held you for a good while.

Who'd have thought that it would be over 100 degrees a day shy of October? The view from my room was magnificent as we prepared to bring you home.

This, my last stay,

my last car ride home with a newborn.

My last welcome home sign

and

my last baby balloons.

Visitors abound from my childhood and lifelong friend, Amanda,

 to my friend and coworker, Melissa,

 to

family.

I will miss this view...

 for it is bittersweet, but the view that God has now bestowed upon us...

 is as sweet as they come.

I love you, my sweet Liam and I thank God every day that he has blessed us with the beautiful boy that you are.

My cup runneth over.