and if i hold the shutter down...{back to school 2015}

Another summer gone by, another school year starting. 

The summer itself was a bit uneventful, and had I to do it over again, I'd have done things differently. Sometimes it is nice to just do nothing, and other times doing nothing can feel like there aren't enough memories being created for the bank. At least that's how it feels to me anyway. 

In my leave of absence from my job last school year, I didn't allow myself to be free. And again, if I had to do it over again, I'd have done things differently. 

It's hard to let go of something that is such a part of who you are and what you give to the world.

This school year is the first year that I can ever remember (especially while working), that I wanted to move on. I wanted summer to end. I want to move forward...

for them.

I want to move forward...

for me. 

I cannot and will not let myself live in "what life used to be like" land. Rather, I want to live in what life is like now, and all that I can dream it to be.

I want to see her shine like a star.

I want to be fully present,

as he inches closer and closer to his middle school years. I still cannot even believe that he is in the 4th grade and I know that it only goes quicker and quicker.

And after reading The Kissing Hand with her teacher on her first day of TK, I want her to know that I'm really home, not just the shell of me that I felt like last year.

"Whenever you feel lonely and need a little loving from home, just press your hand to your cheek and think, 'Mommy loves you. Mommy loves you'." -The Kissing Hand

I want to savor the moment that she savored in this picture, proud of the name tag she wore and the one she made.

I make sure to catch the fine details-like shoes.

 Not the brand of shoes, but the fact that these shoes once started off as just tiny little baby feet.

Now they wear high tops...in the second grade.

And then, there's always a necessary capture from behind,

when they don't know I'm there.

I'm ready to move on. I'm ready to be present for them. I'm ready to grow and change for me!

And if, just maybe...

if I hold the shutter down, time will stand still but for a moment.