Beautiful Noise: August 2015

Thursday, August 27, 2015

and if i hold the shutter down...{back to school 2015}

Another summer gone by, another school year starting.

The summer itself was a bit uneventful, and had I to do it over again, I'd have done things differently. Sometimes it is nice to just do nothing, and other times doing nothing can feel like there aren't enough memories being created for the bank. At least that's how it feels to me anyway.

In my leave of absence from my job last school year, I didn't allow myself to be free. And again, if I had to do it over again, I'd have done things differently.

It's hard to let go of something that is such a part of who you are and what you give to the world.

This school year is the first year that I can ever remember (especially while working), that I wanted to move on. I wanted summer to end. I want to move forward...

for them.

I want to move forward...

for me.

I cannot and will not let myself live in "what life used to be like" land. Rather, I want to live in what life is like now, and all that I can dream it to be.

I want to see her shine like a star.

I want to be fully present,

as he inches closer and closer to his middle school years. I still cannot even believe that he is in the 4th grade and I know that it only goes quicker and quicker.

And after reading The Kissing Hand with her teacher on her first day of TK, I want her to know that I'm really home, not just the shell of me that I felt like last year.

"Whenever you feel lonely and need a little loving from home, just press your hand to your cheek and think, 'Mommy loves you. Mommy loves you'." -The Kissing Hand

I want to savor the moment that she savored in this picture, proud of the name tag she wore and the one she made.

I make sure to catch the fine details-like shoes.

Not the brand of shoes, but the fact that these shoes once started off as just tiny little baby feet.

Now they wear high tops...in the second grade.

And then, there's always a necessary capture from behind,

when they don't know I'm there.

I'm ready to move on. I'm ready to be present for them. I'm ready to grow and change for me!

And if, just maybe...

if I hold the shutter down, time will stand still but for a moment.

Friday, August 7, 2015

we're not in july anymore...{flashback friday, fourth of july}

We're not in July anymore...I wish it was, so that I could rewind to have a Summer "do over". I love the swim team season, but it can be so time consuming that it leaves us with mostly that and not a lot of vacations. So, it's a flashback Friday to the fourth of July and I hope we can squeeze in one more trip before it's back to school.

We had many thunderstorms,

but a few breaks in the weather.

It's next to near impossible...

to not relax and take in this view.

We weren't sure what the 4th would have in store because in the morning, we woke up to this:

hail on the 4th of July!

Liam thought we might need

a life jacket on land.

I was able to get some shots of the kids,

and this was the best I could get of Anna because she wasn't totally in to getting her picture taken.

Then there's my little Tatum,

who is such

a giggly little thing.

And then there's these two little peas in a pod,

that remind me of these "used to be" two little peas in a pod...

and then my heart REALLY aches.

It aches for the time I'd give to go back to when the first two were little when they rarely fought. I relish in the times now where they still get along, they really do love each other. It's just different than it used to be! My heart also aches with an overwhelming amount of thankfulness for the four healthy littles I have now. When they all get along, it is magic.

My then four year old, is now my soon to be fourth grader and he is all kinds of complicated and wonderful. He had THE BEST time and according to him, this was the most fun he's EVER had because he got to spend it with Aunt Jessica (Erik's sister).