dear kieran,

At  9 o'clock, on March 26, 2006, I was eating preggo pizza. Two slices of it to be exact. Little did I know just around 2:30 in the morning, my water would break. "Honey, I think my water just broke!", I exclaimed. "What? Are you serious?", Erik says. "Well, I don't know, unless I peed the bed-do you think I just peed the bed?" "Go check", he says. "Did you pee yourself?" "How should I know? I've never done this before!" "Let's call the doctor". So we call the doctor and he says I'll meet you there. The bags are packed, we're ready to go. The contractions begin. We get on the freeway and it's smooth sailing. No one's on the road because it's 3am. Erik asks if I want him to drop me off at the door. Ummm...what? Yes, we parked together and I walked up to the counter, quickly checked in and began the 12 hour journey.

3 1/2 hours of pushing. I was exhausted, and determined.
With the assistance of forceps (flashback to my birthing class thinking, yuck, these things look like salad tongs, I hope I never have to use those!), my amazing doctor helped me along. I had done it. And then, we had the most frightening moment of our lives. My beautiful baby boy was not breathing. Lifeless and blue, he had an apgar of 3. We (my mom, my sister, Erik, and me) were all crying. The room was quiet, yet the team of pediatric doctors and nurses quickly whisked him to the table next to us. They were amazing, and so was the sound of Kieran's cry. Thank God. An apgar of 9. Life. Our beautiful Kieran Andrew, perfect in every way. 7lbs 2 oz 20 inches.
Born on his due date, March 27, 2006 at 2:37 pm.

Just before Kieran was born, I wrote this letter to him at my baby shower:
Dear Kieran,
I am awaiting your arrival with feelings of excitement and joy (and a little bit of nerves too, but just about the birth part). You are moving all around inside me as we speak, growing and getting ready for this big crazy world with just 4 weeks to go! You haven't kicked me really, you've just been a mover and a shaker which is exactly what I think you'll be in life. I know you will move mountains and shake up our lives in such a beautiful way (I'm sure you'll give us a run for our money, but don't be too hard on us okay?). You were loved before you took your first breath and I will love and care for you with all my might. Your Daddy and I cannot wait to meet you, little man! Love and Kisses, Mommy

Today, my love, you are four. 4. Where did the time go? You ARE a mover and a shaker and you test us in many ways, but you are beautiful and we love you with all of our heart and might. You are amazing. We are proud to call you our son.

Happy Birthday!

ten on tuesday

1. Cleaning the house at 9pm is exhausting, but I am doing it.

2. Seriously not looking forward to presenting at 5th grade parent night this week...two presentations on getting ready for middle school. It's not that I mind it, it's just a crazy week and I could do without it.

3. Trying to get ready for Kieran's 4th Birthday Party on Saturday.

4. Trying to get ready for my sister's baby shower on Sunday.

5. Did I mention that I'm exhausted?

6. Being in the classroom to talk to hundreds of 6th graders today was a lot of fun.

7. If my pink slip becomes permanent, and I don't get to work at my school next year (after an 8 year ride), or middle school for that matter, I will be heart broken.

8. My 88 year old grandmother, Nonni, went in to the hospital today. I am glad that I just saw her on Saturday, and I hope this stay is just for a few days like they are anticipating.

9. Wait, did I mention that I am exhausted?

10. Thank God for:

Spring!

me too!

I remember the days fondly, the days of "me too". "What's your favorite color, Jennifer?", someone would ask. She'd reply, "purple!". I'd reply, "me too!". If you look at old photos, there was my sister, decked out in purple from head to toe. Me too. Anything my sister did, I was right there. She put up with me, more than one can imagine, and yet we are each other's best friend. This is my relationship with my sister. I know no different. I wonder, what is it like for a brother and sister? I can only watch and learn from the two little people I call my son and my daughter.

I imagine that their bond is different for the obvious reason of opposite genders, but I do know it is a bond that splits at the seams. From the day that Anna was born, Kieran has loved his Anna. He showered her with kisses and love, and the jealousy that I feared was all but a fear and did not even exist. Fast forward to present day and I can tell you they have their moments, but what siblings don't? These two share something special and my prayer for them is that it will remain. Every morning, they greet one another with a hug, "good morning", and a kiss. If he runs, she runs. If he jumps, she jumps. Beyond being his shadow, Kieran welcomes his little sister. He'll invite her to play, and of course, she gladly accepts. It isn't time for bed, unless they have said good night to each other. I know that times will change. I know that because even my sister, my very best friend, was not at all pleased when I jumped out of the closet after listening to her entire phone conversation when she was in junior high. Yes, times will change, and then they'll change again. So, I gladly watch the days of "me too" with great affection as it reminds me of the memories that I've shared with my sister, and the memories that are yet to be shared between a new generation. 

"Anna, come here, come watch Transformers with me!", he yells. "Okay, Kieran, here I come, I'll come watch Transformers with you!" "Me too", I think. Me too.

wordful & wordless wednesday

wordful:

Okay, so I just couldn't keep my mouth shut today, I am so excited about the new look of my blog! Thanks to Shannon of EightCrazy Design, I feel as though I just had a virtual face lift! Shannon put up with all of my questions and was SUPER patient with me-she is great! I think it's safe to say where I once was addicted to scrapbooking, I am now addicted to blogging and it makes it that much better with a new "wardrobe". Thanks a bunch, Shannon!

wordless:

i used to be a clean freak

I used to be a clean freak. Key phrase: used to. I try, I really do. I especially want to teach my children to clean up after themselves, to care for their belongings and to take pride in having a home that is peaceful, relaxing, orderly. Where am I going wrong? Remember this? When we had our kitchen re-done, we had pull out spice drawers put in. It's great for us because it gave us the additional space that we needed and in Anna's mind, just as great for her! Why, you ask? For this reason:

What is this? 

A whole lot...

of kosher salt. 
Notice the additional little hand. 

How can you get mad at that face?
You can't, and you don't. Because you remember the story that your mom told you that when you were around the same age, you decided that you would put comet around the edge of the water bed (yes, I said water bed...it was the late 70s/early 80s, it's okay...I laugh too!) It must be payback...

X 2 (though to his credit, he was actually cleaning up for me and got the broom and the dust pan ;) ).
I just can't seem to get things in order the way I'd like. When I'm in one room cleaning up, I come in to the next one a total mess. I have lost count of how many times I use the vacuum cleaner in a day. What can I say? My kids have gotten in to anything and everything! It's quite exhausting, yet I grab the camera. I grab the camera to stamp the image in my mind, that my children will only make these messes for so long. My children will one day grow up. 
I continue to teach them that when we make messes we clean them up, and that we take care of what belongs to us. They continue to teach me that if I spend my every waking, breathing moment cleaning, I will miss the finer moments. Yes, I'd like to have the freakishly clean home that I used to have before kids.  For some reason, I've been given children that are masters of disaster, but they've been given to me and I am eternally blessed because of them.

wordless wednesday

spring, where are you?

Okay, she's not really crying because it's not Spring, it's just a temper tantrum. I'm trying to wait patiently, I know the rain is good, but I am longing for the warm sunshine on my back. I am itching to be outside planting flowers. I want more days like this:

but without long pants and jackets.
Spring, where are you? I am SO ready.

the weekend is in sight

It has been the longest week...as a school counselor, my office has been a revolving door, which is a good thing, yet can also be overwhelming at times. I am so very happy that the weekend is in sight.

wordless wednesday

beautiful, peaceful, relaxing

Oh, how I miss this past weekend already. It was so beautiful, so peaceful, so relaxing (except for the car rides, that is). Funny, when I'm away for a long period of time, I can't wait to get back home. When I'm gone for a short period of time, I don't want it to end. 

Erik and I took my mom along for this trip (which was heaven sent on the way home especially as my sweet Anna turns into the devil in the car..."I stuck in here!" is her catch phrase) and we had a great time. 

We went sledding, enjoyed each other's company, and I even went skiing after 6 years! Okay, so I was much slower than the last time. At first I was annoyed that Erik would mention that I had two kids since then. Then, it became my excuse as to why I was slow and sounded much better than saying I'm out of shape. It was nice for Erik and I to get away and actually do something together, alone! We rarely ever get the opportunity, and we need to make more time. I loved the skiing, the snow was amazing, but I think I loved the chair lifts even more since we had the opportunity to just talk and take in the amazing scenery!

 The car ride took 6 hours (it's supposed to be 4), but we hit the storm at it's prime. We never stop for fast food unless it's a must. I think Anna has been one other time. This time, we told her we were going to McDonald's. The girl is so sharp, that an hour later, she sees the golden arches, points, and says, "McDonalds!" Are you kidding me? 22 months old, this girl makes me laugh. 

Kieran watched Incredibles (I finally gave in a few weekends ago, I don't like the guns, but we've had a nice chat about the parts that make me uneasy) 2 times up and 3 times back. I think I can recite the movie if someone put me up to it. The one good thing about Incredibles, is that whenever I need Kieran to do something fast (as in clean up his toys, get in the car, etc.), I just call him "Dash" and he does things in warp speed-awesome!

 On the way home, Anna decided that she was stuck. More importantly, she "calmly" told us, "I need to go to McDonald's!" I'm not sure I know how to respond to that one :)

All in all, it was a great trip. There's nothing like time with family. It's the best!