family is everything

We're not often all together, but when we are it's a room full of laughter, good conversations and time well spent.

To give thanks...to remember that it's not about what we do not have, because when you have family, you have

everything.

i choose them

It's easy to get frustrated when the house is messier than messy, dishes in the sink, laundry piles a mile high, an entire cup of milk poured on to the hardwood floor by the 2 year old toddler because she wanted to see what would happen.

And then, when they are laughing hysterically, wrestling on the floor and they ask me to take a picture, 

it all fades away. The frustration is gone...

because I realize that someday, all four of them will be grown and on their own.

Sure, I'd like there to be less clutter, and have everything in its place, but if it means less time spent with them, then all of that no longer matters.

I choose them.

one month

If I have said it before, I've said it a thousand times, maybe more...

where does the time go?

My, oh my, how you have grown!

At birth, you weighed 9 pounds, 1 ounce.

At 1 week, you weighed 9 pounds, 5 ounces.

At 2 weeks, you weighed 10 pounds, 5 ounces.

And at 5 weeks, you weighed in at a very healthy 13 pounds, 3 ounces.

You have certainly beat the record compared to your siblings!

You, my little tank, are in the 97%ile for weight, 95th percentile for height, and 92%ile for head circumference.

You...

 are a very big boy!

You are and have been extremely alert since birth.

I am so excited each and every day to wake up to this face...

as it is truly, a little slice of heaven!

One month of kisses, hugs, staring, snuggling, and loving you.

Amazing.

happy birthday, dear liam

Dear Liam,

I sit here, a month into your beautiful life and I am speechless. Not because you are the fourth child, and certainly not because when your sister Tatum was born I had said that our family of five was complete. 

You see, I may have said that, but God had other plans for me, for your daddy, Kieran, Anna, and Tatum.

God had other plans for us...

He had plans...

for

you.

Nevermind many of the pictures are out of focus and rushed, the night of your birth happened so quickly, we were lucky to capture anything at all!

Your birth story begins on the morning of September 30. I began feeling contractions, but they were very far apart. Breathing through them throughout the day, I spoke to people on the phone (namely your Auntie who was scheduled for her c-section with your cousin Noah, just four days later), mopped the floor, and even flat ironed my hair...

I had to look semi-decent for your arrival!

Now the evening, I made every attempt to keep things as normal as possible for your big sister, Tatum. I didn't want her to get upset that I was leaving so I breathed through the contractions while I put everyone to bed.

Your grandma Linda arrived from a 4 hour drive away to take care of Kieran, Anna, and Tatum with just minutes to spare. 

I had planned on my friend Melissa taking pictures like she did for your big sister, Tatum, but I hadn't anticipated how quickly you were coming. 

  I called Dr. W and told her that my contractions were very close together, so close that in a minute long conversation, I had to breathe through 30 seconds of it.

Off we went, me, my mom (your nonna), and your daddy. 

I made it from the front door...

to the park bench just outside. 

I had to sit down because my contractions were fierce and I mean fierce.

I ran as quickly as I could to the car and grabbed your daddy's shoulder as he drove. I think I may have left an imprint because I was squeezing him so tight.

We arrived at the hospital at 9:10pm. I ran across the courtyard from the parking lot to the front doors of labor and delivery, and made it to my next park bench.

With three births before you, never did I have to sit, I had always walked in, but man oh man, you were coming! The security guard helped us to get a wheel chair and up we went.

I dressed in my gown, signed paper after hospital paper, all the while breathing...

intensely.

The nurses checked to see the progression of your soon-to-be arrival. I was dilated 9cm. 9cm? I may or may not have sworn, simply because I was shocked! I had only made it to 4cm with your siblings, never did I expect to hear the nurses tell me that I was near ready to bring you into this world. The nurses told me that I had come this far, they thought that I could make it through without an epidural if I wanted. Then, the panic, for just a moment, but still, panic. Tears flooded my eyes (and your nonna tells me your daddy's, too...let's just say he was sitting down at this point) and I asked for the epidural. The anesthesiologist came running and had told me that there was no guarantee that I would feel any relief as you were arriving very, very, soon. "That's okay", I said. "Just enough to take the edge off."

Dr. W arrived and let me know that it was a good thing that we came when we did! 

It was time to bring you into the world.

9:10 pm, we arrived.

9:59pm...

you did.

You arrived, my sweet Liam. 

Just as in my dreams when I held you and saw you, 

so did you in our living world look just as I had envisioned.

Dark hair, and oh, so handsome. 

My big boy, all 9 pounds 1 ounce of you (a shock as your siblings were 7 pounds, 8 at most)!

At long last...

safe...

in our arms.

Thankful to Dr. W, and our nurses,

 and for our pediatrician, Dr. N...

 and thankful that my mother was able to be with me to give me strength (she says I held her hand, but I don't remember that part)!

I will never forget the quiet,

 the calm,

that it was to hold you, gaze at you as you were so neatly swaddled in your bassinet. Soon, it would become a daily party in a little house as a family of six.

Kieran and Anna were thrilled to visit you...

 especially Kieran as he's been longing for your companionship for quite some time. He loves his sisters  to the moon and back, but I've never seen a boy quite as proud as him.

Tatum didn't come to the hospital because we were worried she'd become emotional when she had to leave me. I wasn't worried for even a minute at home...

as she has welcomed you from the moment you were carried in the door.

Your Nonno, usually nervous and sometimes with a look of discomfort when he holds tiny newborns, was as content as I'd ever seen him. "Now this is my kind of baby", he said as he held you for a good while.

Who'd have thought that it would be over 100 degrees a day shy of October? The view from my room was magnificent as we prepared to bring you home.

This, my last stay,

my last car ride home with a newborn.

My last welcome home sign

and

my last baby balloons.

Visitors abound from my childhood and lifelong friend, Amanda,

 to my friend and coworker, Melissa,

 to

family.

I will miss this view...

 for it is bittersweet, but the view that God has now bestowed upon us...

 is as sweet as they come.

I love you, my sweet Liam and I thank God every day that he has blessed us with the beautiful boy that you are.

My cup runneth over.

first day of first grade

I've avoided the inevitable...

perhaps if I didn't actually sit down to write about the fact that Kieran has entered first grade, my denial would last just a bit more. 

It's time, however, and I cannot put it off any longer. 

Any longer and the first day of first grade will have long since gone. 

Any longer and I'd miss the opportunity to be writing about the last few weeks of this fourth and final pregnancy (something that I have done very little, if at all, mostly because I've been busy running after three others). 

We are officially,

and I say we since I've been back to work (school) since August 10, Kieran started first grade two weeks ago, and Anna started her second year of preschool this past week.

Tatum happily joins in on the fun of saying goodbye at two different schools to her siblings. In just three short weeks, she'll not only be saying goodbye to Kieran and Anna as they go to school each day,

she'll be saying hello to her new baby brother. Two of each, it still amazes me that this will be our new "normal", and I'm looking forward to every waking moment.

My first baby boy, will forever be my baby.

 His journey through Kindergarten had it's ups and downs, and ultimately ended with a transformation that I'm still very proud of to this day.

The summer flew by, mainly filled with daily swim practice and weekend meets, but were also filled with lazy days of sleeping in, eating waffles and just plain enjoying each other's company.

Feeling as though the hands of time have been on fast forward,

my sweet Kieran somehow transitioned from a tiny baby in my arms, to a Vans-wearing first grader.

They had to be high tops, and he had to wear them on the very first day. The novelty not yet worn off even after week two, we put them on and his smile widens when he gets to wear them with his fresh new school clothes.

He's used to me taking pictures and very willingly obliges as the tears threaten to seep into my view finder.

Finally able to use the matching backpack that went with his lunch box from last year (they don't allow them in Kinder),

he eagerly placed it on the hook and was ready to start 

his first day.

A hug and a kiss goodbye of his asking (oh, how I'll take that for as long as I can),

off he went into his classroom, and off I went camera in hand, tears down my face, to begin my eleventh year as a school counselor.

I love my job, but all I wanted that day was to wear my "mommy hat" and never let him go.

Thankfully, the first day of school is always a half-day. 

The first day of first grade ended with a full conversation,

and a smile so beautiful, 

that could only leave my heart bursting with joy.

He loves his new teacher, Mrs. B., is excited to have some good friends from his Kindergarten class with him again, and is eager to make new ones as well. 

Yes indeed, my boy is growing up...

but as one of my favorite books my mom used to read to me, Love You Forever, goes...

"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, always forever, my baby you'll be."

And that, 

is so very,

very,

true.

just tall enough

We aren't known for "tall" in our family. 

The odds are stacked against the kids for dunking a basketball or playing front row on the volleyball team.

I think I put the bakers sugar on the top shelf just so that I can prove to myself that I'm just tall enough to reach without using the step stool.

In their little world, when you can finally ride the rickety tiger coaster at the zoo, 

you've made it!

At 32 weeks pregnant, it's obvious that I was banned from this ride. 

My Auntie Mary joined us for the day, so "lucky" for her (she's not a real fan of heights), she was Anna's sidekick for her very first tiger coaster adventure.

What you don't see pictured is that Auntie Mary rode the coaster ride with Kieran right before this. He would have kept riding, except two times was her limit, and I don't blame her!

Thanks, Auntie Mary, we love you!

She's got a ways to go before she can go on her father/daughter trip to Disneyland, since you have to be 40 inches. 

For now,

she's satisfied with just tall enough.